Saturday, July 16, 2011

Elderly Texting...


Elderly Texting Codes: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.


Elderly Texting...
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Elderly Texting...

Elderly Texting Codes: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.
Elderly Texting...
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Elderly Texting...

Elderly Texting Codes: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.
Elderly Texting...
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Elderly Texting...

Elderly Texting Codes: ATD -at the doctor. BFF -best friend fell. BTW -bring the wheelchair. BYOT -bring your own teeth. FWIW -forgot where I was. GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. GHA -got heartburn again. IMHO -is my hearing aid on? LMDO -laughing my dentures out. OMMR -on my massage recliner. ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can't get up.
Elderly Texting...
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QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:

THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:

* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is 
        pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

* "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the
        cow instead of the bull."

* "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

* "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on
        them and makes them perspire."

* "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they
        look like umbrellas."

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and
        the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the
        borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity
        contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

* "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."

* "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

* "For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and
        down to make Artificial Perspiration."

* "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
        above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the
        nearest medical doctor."

* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

* "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water
        tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon,
        and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in
        this fight."

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

* "To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

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dog_costumes5.jpg from onlineweblibrary.com - StumbleUpon

dog_costumes5.jpg from onlineweblibrary.com - StumbleUpon
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Top 30 Awwwwwwsssss - StumbleUpon

Top 30 Awwwwwwsssss - StumbleUpon
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illicit_trafficking_2000.jpg from utexas.edu - StumbleUpon

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Aizonas Immigration Laws Are Spreading to Georgia | Legally Easy - StumbleUpon

Aizonas Immigration Laws Are Spreading to Georgia | Legally Easy - StumbleUpon

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George Strait The Cowboy Rides Away - StumbleUpon

George Strait The Cowboy Rides Away - StumbleUpon

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Friday, July 15, 2011

How to talk to women the PC (politically correct) way

These are not hard and fast rules, just a simple guideline!

Amplify’d from www.michaelclark.name

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.



HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT



He does not have a beer gut - He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not a bad dancer - He is Overly Caucasian.

He does not get lost all the time - He investigates Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding - He is in Follicle Regression.

He is not a cradle robber - He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk - He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He does not act like a total ass - He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

He is not a sex machine - He is Romantically Automated.

He is not a male chauvinist pig - He has Swine Empathy.

He does not undress you with his eyes - He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.

He is not afraid of commitment - He is Monogamously Challenged.

Read more at www.michaelclark.name
 

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Portable Zombie-Resistant Shelter

Portable Zombie-Resistant Shelter

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Cool Shelter

I want one!

Amplify’d from buzzbrewery.com
All you need to build your own personal and portable zombie-resistant shelter is One (1) Concrete Canvas building-in-a-bag, air and...

All you need to build your own personal and portable zombie-resistant shelter is One (1) Concrete Canvas building-in-a-bag, air and water. Wait 24 hours you have your own fireproof Quonset style concrete bunker that’s impervious to gunfire, the elements and the impending horde of the undead. [Via Sweet & Nerdy]

Read more at buzzbrewery.com
 

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Visiting Crocs!

Not my cup of tea!

Amplify’d from www.buzznet.com
Would You Ever Visit Croc-o-Saurus Cove?
Read more at www.buzznet.com
 

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Interesting history facts.

Where did certain sayings come from? Here's a real pisser!

Amplify’d from www.emailjokes.co.za
Interesting History Facts



They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families

used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken &

Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive

you were "Piss Poor"



But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't

even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to

piss in" & were the lowest of the low



The next time you are washing your hands and complain

because the water temperature isn't just how you like it,

think about how things used to be. Here are some facts

about the 1500s:



Most people got married in June because they took their

yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by

June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... ...

Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour.

Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when

getting Married.



Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man

of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then

all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the

children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so

dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the

saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"



Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no

wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get

warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs)

lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and

sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof...

Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."



There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.

This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and

other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence,

a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top

afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds

came into existence.



The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other

than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had

slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet,

so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their

footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until,

when you opened the door, it would all start slipping

outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.

Hence: a thresh hold.



(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)



In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big

kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit

the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly

vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the

stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold

overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew

had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence

the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas

porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could

obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When

visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show

off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home

the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests

and would all sit around and chew the fat..



Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with

high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto

the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened

most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so,

tomatoes were considered poisonous.



Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the

burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and

guests got the top, or the upper crust.



Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The

combination would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for

a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would

take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were

laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the

family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and

see if they would wake up.. Hence the custom of holding

a wake.



England is old and small and the local folks started running

out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins

and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the

grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins

were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they

realized they had been burying people alive... So they

would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through

the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night

(the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone

could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.



And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!!



So...get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these

facts with a friend.
Read more at www.emailjokes.co.za
 

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Unfaithful wives

This is so moronic, especially if you are the third guy!

Amplify’d from www.emailjokes.co.za

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.



His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."



His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."



Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.



"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
Read more at www.emailjokes.co.za
 

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Redneck Christmas Tree


Yep, Christmas tree made out of Mt. Dew cans and topped off with a milk jug! That's redneck for sure!
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Funny Prank

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Alcohol and Sharpies

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Service Dogs

I think this is a great idea, I know that my dog DeeOhGee is an undercover service dog... He takes care of me and I watch him with other people and he just seems to know who needs some lovin... and he has taken to protecting other smaller dogs from the big dogs and what not. I think that this a noble thing that Yale is doing and it should happen more often and in more places!

Amplify’d from www.good.is

Yale Law Students Check a Border Terrier Out of Library for Stress Relief

monty
There's no doubt law students are super stressed out. On top of a busy academic load, who knows if they're even going to have jobs after graduation? Enter Monty the therapy dog, available for check out from the Yale Law School library. A 30-minute play session with Monty is the perfect stress relief—if he actually exists.

The myth of Monty—short for "General Montgomery"—first surfaced last fall on the popular blog Above the Law. The border terrier was allegedly in a basket behind the circulation desk, but the school later issued a denial about Monty's existence. Now New York Magazine's reporting that Yale students have received a memo saying that, Monty is back and available for checkout. According to the memo from Law Librarian Blair Kauffman,

The law library intends to run a three day pilot program starting on March 28, 2011 during which students will be able to “check out” our certified library therapy dog, Monty for thirty minute periods. We hope that making a therapy dog available to our students will prove to be a positive addition to current services offered by the library. It is well documented that visits from therapy dogs have resulted in increased happiness, calmness, and overall emotional well-being.

And, even though Monty is hypoallergenic, "visits will be confined to a dedicated non-public space in the library to eliminate potential adverse reactions from any library user who might have dog-related concerns. Kauffman also says they'll be looking for student feedback on whether to have therapy dogs available "during stressful periods of the semester, for example during examinations."

GOOD is a dog-friendly workplace so we know first-hand how a little playtime with a pooch can improve moods. If reports of Monty are a another hoax, maybe they shouldn't be. Here's to more stress-relieving "Monty's" on campus!

Read more at www.good.is
 

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Texas

Seems like anywhere in Texas is better than anywhere else!


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Elderly Driving

I know that at 58 I feel safer walking down the road instead of driving, however, my mother is 85 and she still drives just fine....

Amplify’d from nakedlaw.avvo.com
sed the accelerator an

An 86-year-old driver killed 10 people and injured more than 70 when he confused the accelerator and brake pedals of his Buick Le Sabre and drove it into a crowded farmers’ market in Santa Monica, California, on July 16, 2003. In Massachusetts in 2009, seven people were injured after a car driven by a 73-year-old woman jumped a curb and ran into a crowd gathered at a war memorial. Also in Massachusetts, a 93-year-old man drove his car into the entrance of a Wal-Mart, injuring six people, after he mistook the gas pedal for the brake.

Are older drivers really such a threat? Studies have resulted in conflicting statistics, but the one thing that’s certain is that it’s a problem society will be dealing with in greater frequency in the coming years. In 2009, about 39 million Americans, or 13 percent of the population, were over age 65, and this age group makes up 15 percent of all licensed drivers in the country.  The U.S. Census Bureau projects that by 2050, almost 1 in 4 Americans, nearly 90 million people, will be over age 65.

Are older drivers a danger to themselves and others?

Carnegie Mellon University and the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety looked at data from 1999 to 2004 and found that fatality rates climb for drivers over age 65. From ages 75 to 84, the fatality rate is equal to that of teenage drivers, long considered the most dangerous age group in automobiles:  about three deaths per 100 million miles driven. After age 85 the fatality rate is four times that of younger drivers. More troubling statistics: in 2005, 11 percent of fatal crashes involved drivers over 65.

However, another recent study refutes this data. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS)  found that the rate of fatal crashes among drivers 70 years and older decreased from 1997 to 2008. In that time, the number of older drivers in the U.S. rose several percentage points, but fatal crashes per licensed driver decreased by a third. The Insurance Institute attributes this drop to the drivers themselves; they say more seniors are voluntarily driving less. Most elderly drivers decide to stop driving on their own, or restrict the amount and distance they travel behind the wheel; more than 600,000 drivers age 70 and older decide to give up driving each year, according to a 2002 study published in the American Journal of Public Health.

How are states dealing with elderly drivers?

State laws vary widely in how they deal with older drivers and licensing. Eighteen states have no requirements or restrictions for renewing driver’s licenses. Some states require drivers over certain age limits to renew in person and pass a vision test; Illinois and New Hampshire make those over 75 pass a road test when renewing their driver’s licenses. In New Hampshire, about 10 percent of drivers tested fail this test every year; state officials believe this system has kept unfit older drivers off the roads. While seniors make up about 15 percent of New Hampshire’s licensed drivers, they are involved in only nine percent of crashes.

The process of aging certainly causes issues that affect the ability to drive. Reflexes slow down, flexibility decreases; hearing and vision may also become less sharp. Memory and the ability to concentrate decline. IIHS found the only scientifically proven way to lower the rate of fatal crashes among older drivers is to beef up the laws requiring them to renew their driver’s licenses in person, rather than by mail. However, eye exams cannot catch a driver with diminished cognitive ability or physical capacity. States have tried a range of approaches, but for the most part they have struggled to establish precise standards for determining when seniors should be kept off the road while being fair to older drivers who remain capable. Age discrimination is a very real possibility.

Read more at nakedlaw.avvo.com
 

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Is there anyone out there that was a non-responder for the old hep c treatment, 1 shot one pill v. the new one-shot 2 pill treatment? Did it help you the second time around? I might be gonna try again and I just remember how sick it makes you. Is it the same? http://amplify.com/u/a17ug3

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Pretty good prank

Now this is down right funny in my book... thought the reactions would have brought a lot more screaming and at least a little crying....just saying!

Amplify’d from www.funnypicss.com

Here’s a great prank video from Just For Laughs Gags. Watch the video and share with us in the comment what you would have felt or done, if you were at the place.

See more at www.funnypicss.com
 

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Parenting

That is alright with them, but they didn't have the parenting we did!


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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Something Smells Fishy!

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Beautiful-day.jpg (525×366)

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One of those days!

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photodump movie

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Catch and Release

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keeping it portable used to be tough

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Barmaid Gone Wild

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Kid Tells Skater He Can't Do Trick- Skater Attempts It Anyway

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Kid Gathers Crowd To Watch Him Fail

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Angry Man In Burger King Gets Instant Karma!

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Very Funny Pepsi Commercial

please sir, may I have another?

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Motivation

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Jul 13, 2011 motivational photos

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Jul 13, 2011 motivational photos

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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

DeeOhGee

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This is DeeOhGee sitting outside at the Open Mike night at La Kiva.....
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DeeOhGee the Long Haired Island Hippy Schnauzer

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Check out my magazine!

Check out my magazine!

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Great Body Painting





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Erowid Cannabis Vault : Cannabis Cookie Recipes

Erowid Cannabis Vault : Cannabis Cookie Recipes

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BigAss Bud!

219057.jpg (400×602)

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How to keep your young boy's or even older boy's shirt-tails tucked in!

Your link text here.

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National Wildlife Federation - Photo Contest - View Photo

National Wildlife Federation - Photo Contest - View Photo

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Monday, July 11, 2011

How to Make Cherry Blossom Lights

How to Make Cherry Blossom Lights

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I am back....

My laptop has been down for quite a while now, but I now have a new power cord and things are looking up. I'm getting back into the posting thing and would love to give you all what you want.  Leave a message if you are interested in a particular subject and I will do the research and post on it...  Talk to you later.  Have a great week!

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Finding True Love

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Wanna join my facebook? | The Lolbrary - Funny Random Pictures

Wanna join my facebook? | The Lolbrary - Funny Random Pictures

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Transformer Owl - Animal Planet: Animal Oddities

Transformer Owl - Animal Planet: Animal Oddities

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Kid gets gay marriage in one minute, plays ping pong - The Feed - CBS News

Kid gets gay marriage in one minute, plays ping pong - The Feed - CBS News

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It's Hell to be Old - Holy Cannoli's posterous

It's Hell to be Old - Holy Cannoli's posterous

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Ninja Squirrel takes it all

Ninja Squirrel takes it all

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Australian Christmas Wreath

clidk here!

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Australian Christmas Wreath

clidk here!

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Dog Goes Crazy For Helium

Dog Goes Crazy For Helium

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