My Youngest Grand Kids

Taken this morning in Temple, Texas. I'm at my youngest daughter's apartment. Needless to say I was up way sooner than I usually am. There will be many, many more before the weekend is over.

Things to Share - July 31st, 2008

Odd News

Stinky gambler fuming over NJ casino ejection (AP) - Yes, Michael Wax stank. He's the first to admit it. The 440-pound New York City man said he was playing poker in an Atlantic City casino for 17 hours Tuesday and didn't have time to clean...
Police say men crashed truck twice on same street (AP) - Police say two drunken friends crashed their pickup truck into a parked car in New York City's northern suburbs and then drove down the street and crashed it again. Peekskill Detective Sgt. E...
Boy, 10, turns mom in for making phony money (AP) - A Bakersfield woman faces charges that she counterfeited money and identification cards after her 10-year-old son turned her in to authorities.
Officer foils Cadillac driver's free gas plan (AP) - The third time was an alarm for a Cadillac driver apparently loading up on free gas while posing as a stranded motorist. A police officer became suspicious the third time he saw the same man stop...

Useless Knowledge

A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping the animal to judge the precise width of any passage. And, because they aren’t hampered by collarbones, cats can squeeze through any opening big enough to push their head through.

Quotes of the Day

Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations. - Orson Welles

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. - WH Auden

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. - Vic Gold

Extraordinary Information of the Day

The typical housefly cruses at 8 km/hr.

New Links

Telectroscope Connects New York-London
Funny Transportation Pictures
Parents Day - Quotes
Are the diagonals parallel?

Point to Ponder

If you're an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?

You Might be a Redneck if...

...you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

Jokes of the Day

Twist Again

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.
'That''s cool.' says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!'
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'


Poof

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

Senate Slander

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Hope everyone has a great week-end. I'm leaving Port Aransas Friday afternoon and heading to Temple, Texas, to visit with my youngest daughter and my youngest grand kids as well. We're gonna have a Birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas party all rolled into one.

Things to Share - July 28th, 2008

Point to Ponder

Where are the germs that cause good breath?

Quotes of the Day

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
  - AJ Liebling

To be great is to be misunderstood.
  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
  - Benjamin Franklin

Useless Knowledge

A gang of elks
A cast or kettle of hawks
A mob of emus
A brood of hens
A business or fesnyng of ferrets
A drift or parcel of hogs
A charm of finches

Facts

8 yr old Chelsea Lannon received a patent in '94 for her pocket diaper, a diaper with a pocket to hold a baby wipe and baby powder puff.

Only 3 have ever won medals at both the WinterSummer Olympics: Eddie EaganUSA, Jacob ThamsNorway,Christa Luding-Rothenburger Germany.

The U.S shreds 7000 tons of used currency each year.

Weird

JAPAN: japan's first mass-produced 'energy boosting' eel drink has gone on sale.

Immigration officers had a "Kinder Surprise" when they discovered a woman smuggling drugs using a plastic container from one of the children's treats.

A model faces up to four years in jail in Peru for being photographed sitting naked on the nation's flag.

You Might  be a Redneck if...

...before you eat dinner you say, "Jeet yet?" "No, djew?" "Aight."

Jokes of the Day

Huge Pause

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."

An Old Fart

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

Brunette Meets Genie

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."

Word of the Day

quondam: former; sometime.

Today's Reason to Drink

July 28, 2008

Happy Independence Day...in Peru! Break out the beer, grill, and fireworks again!