Thing to Ponder
How does one actually zip their lip?
You might be a REDNECK if...
...you have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
Jokes of the Day
Pa Won't Like It
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
The Living Satues
Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Today's Reason to Drink
Celebrate Simón Bolívar Day! You know, the famous South American revolutionary after which Bolivia takes its name.
Facts of the Day
Horses can eat 24 hours without stopping
While our eyes are the same size from the day we are born, our ears and nose keeps growing.
Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.
- Senator Dianne Feinstein
What happens when the future has come and gone?
- Robert Half
Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.
- Katharine Hepburn
Coyotes are extremely loyal to their mates. If one is caught in a trap, the other will bring small game for it to eat; it will soak itself in a river to allow its thirsty mate to chew on its damp fur for water. It has been documented that the free coyote will stay with its captive partner until death.
Just Plain Weird
SWEDEN: Swedish airport staff were not amused when a team from a TV comedy show tried to check in a suitcase with a dwarf inside.
A judge has chastised parents for calling their child 'Sex Fruit' and 'Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii'.
Places are still unfilled on the UK's first degree course in Funeral Services - an essay on burial rituals anyone?