Saturday, September 15, 2007

Joke of the Day

I need it to poison my husband

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!

I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!

I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

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Todays Economy

This is so true.

Fuel -vs- wallet

Fuel -vs- wallet
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Friday, September 14, 2007

Get Your Own Nation

Welcome to NationStates

NationStates
is a free nation simulation game. Build a nation and run it
according to your own warped political ideals.
Create a Utopian paradise for society's less fortunate or a
totalitarian corporate police state. Care for your people or deliberately
oppress them. Join the United Nations or remain a rogue state. It's
really up to you.

[How to Play]  [Create a Nation]  [See the World]  [Log In]

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This Is Amazing

If your having a bad day, this will pick you up.
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10 Redneck pickup lines

Some of them are fire crackers.
clipped from jo-kes.blogspot.com

* Did you fart? Cuz baby you blew me away.

* Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.

* My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.

* Yer eyes are as blue & pretty as window cleaner.

* Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.

* You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty’s only a light switch away.

* I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone, but I can make yer “bed-rock.”

* If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

* I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta that cheap motel room over yonder.

* If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I’d store my nuts in yer hole.

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Caffeine Necklace

Every coffee drinker should have one.
clipped from www.etsy.com
caffeine necklace - an elegant representation of your favorite molecule
caffeine necklace - an elegant representation of your favorite molecule
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Proud To Be An American - September 11, 2001

Who wrote this?
Gregory Campbell?
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Claiming my Feed

This is a post to claim my feed.

myLot User Profile

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Joke of the Day

clipped from www.idkwtf.com

A Natural Blind

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"


The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
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Monday, September 10, 2007

The Hotel Lounge Lizzard

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Priceless Date

Do not click play if you are easily offended.

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Tantalizing

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Have a Happy Day

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Going Camping

Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and
2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned
because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it
happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't
write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and
rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the
dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without
telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the
fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put
gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of
our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus
fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when
we left.

Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect
something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if
it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty
hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns
riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked
to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads
where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging
trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming
out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I
can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast,
it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take
the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees
under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't
even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time
working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was
just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got
sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out
and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get
things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a
pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy
some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine
and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love, Jimmie

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Quote of the Day

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

- Joseph Baretti

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Sunday, September 09, 2007

Dear Penis

One of my favorites.

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A Very Talented Tounge


More Funny Videos

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Karaoke at Lovett's Bar in Port Aransas, Texas

This slide show is from Lovett's Bar in Port Aransas, Texas. I host karaoke there on Friday and Saturday nights and just started a new blog showcasing all the singers who perform. You can check out the new blog here.

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