Saturday, September 22, 2007

More Yellow Roses

What a loveless day.
clipped from www.pyzam.com
http://www.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/misc/misc2.jpg
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Halmark Momment

clipped from ninjapants.org
The image “http://ninjapants.org/files/hallmark%20moment.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
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Friday, September 21, 2007

I Can't Hear You

clipped from www.irreligion.org
Creationist
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Green Sea Turtles

clipped from www.foxnews.com

Sea Turtles' Mystery Hideout Revealed

Once sea-turtle hatchlings hit the surf, they vanish for up to five years.

Where the half-dollar-size tots spend these "lost years" while ballooning to the size of dinner plates has been a mystery, until now.

New research, published today in the online edition of the journal Biology Letters, indicates the green sea turtles (Chelonia mydas) hide out in the open ocean, where they feast on jellyfish and other marine creatures.

Not only did the researchers spot their short-lived sea homes, but they discovered that these reptiles, thought to be lifelong vegetarians, are actually meat eaters as juveniles.

The results help to solve a 50-year-old mystery about the hideouts.

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Show Your Feelings

clipped from www.joe-ks.com
The image “http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_mar2007/ShowYourFeelings.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
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Thursday, September 20, 2007

A helpful husband

Now that was one sympathetic husband.
clipped from jo-kes.blogspot.com

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

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Congress' Facts Of Pride

I am ashamed of the silent majority of the United Stated for sticking the heads in the sand. If the sand heads do not wake up we are all going to be socialist. It is time for 'Power To The People' Revolution time!

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has
the following statistics:


- 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
- 7 have been arrested for fraud
- 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
- 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
- 3 have done time for assault
- 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
- 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
- 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
- 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

- 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year




Can you guess which organization this is?



Give up yet?


It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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Don't watch Ethel. Bored Dude Robs Store.

clipped from www.breitbart.tv
Totally Naked Man Robs Convenience Store Out of Boredom
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If Cars Were Made Like Computers

Recipient: Cary Jeffries
Sender: Marc R.
Subject: Microsoft Verses Detroit

Greetings,

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon”.

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like! Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love
this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.


2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.


3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you
could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.


4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to reinstall the engine.


5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only
five percent of the roads.


6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation”
warning light.


7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.


9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate
in the same manner as the old car.


10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their
computer! Regards, Joe Bryant.

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Condom Sponsors



Condom Sponsers


More Funny Pictures at pYzam.com

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Bizaro

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WAR!

This would be funny if it weren't so true.
clipped from thepeacetrain.org
The image “http://thepeacetrain.org/PeaceGallery/albums/Humor/war.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
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Golf accidents

Golf accidents

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Robert Earl Keen at Chilifest

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Robert Earl Keen - Amarillo Highway

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Weird ping pong match

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The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a
Small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias
and Posteriors." The town council was not happy with the sign, so the
doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the
council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down
again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable
again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?"
No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr.
Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it.

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Instant Towels

clipped from www.x-tremegeek.com
 Instacloth Towel In A Tablet, 32 Tablets
These ultra-light tablets, the size of a stack of seven pennies, are actually absorbent cloths as big as a sheet of paper! Just add a little water and they quickly expand right before your eyes! They're very absorbent, dry quickly and are great for fast cleanups of wet spills. Keep some in your car, take them camping, they're small enough to keep almost anywhere.
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Digital Poetry

clipped from douweosinga.com

Visual Poetry

Poetry is supposed to project images in your mind. VisualPoetry translates any text into a series of images by looking up the words on Google image search and projecting the most relevant results as a slide show.

You can use it to view your favourite poem as a series of images from the Internet to amuse yourself or you let other people guess which sentence or poem is displayed. Or you can just marvel at the weird pictures streaming from the Internet to your computer.

You can either use the form below to directly try the program. You will then get the pictures/words in a list of boxes. This works fastest, but is visually not as nice as the stand alone program. You can download the program including the source


Enter a sentence to be translated into images:

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Master Card Wedding

You gotta love this guy…

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests…

After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the brides and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party, was an envelope. He said this was his gift for everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you”. Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you”.

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.”

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge…making the brides parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the brides and best mans reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think he might get a MasterCard “priceless” commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends … $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion … $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui … $8,500.

The look on everyone’s face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride humping the best man……….Priceless.

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MASTERCARD!

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Photo of the Day

Cute photo.
clipped from www.funlol.com

Hover kitty

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Successful

Successful:

"Successful"

Four men went to play golf one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, 'My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.'

The second man said, 'My son is a car salesman, and now owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.

The third man , not wanting to be outdone, bragged, 'My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio.'

The fourth man joined them at the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, 'We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?'

The fourth man replied, 'Well, my son is gay and a go-go dancer at a gay bar.' The other three men grew silent as he continued, 'I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, and brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.'"

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Photo's of Bernice

These are photos of Bernice, D.O.G.'s great grand daughter. She's half Schnauzer and half Rat Terrier, and a cutie for sure.



www.flickr.com








vandamonium's 270908 photosetvandamonium's 270908 photoset



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Monday, September 17, 2007

Proud Day For Mommy

Don't you know Mom was proud at this parent/teacher conference.
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Be an Organ Donor

You can't use them when your gone.
clipped from organdonor.gov
Be
an Organ and Tissue Donor

Help Create a Donation Friendly America!
Each organ and tissue donor saves or improves the lives
of as many as 50 people. Giving the "Gift of Life"
may lighten the grief of the donor's own family. Many
donor families say that knowing other lives have been
saved helps them cope with their tragic loss.
Register with your state donor registry.

More information on how to
register to be a donor in your state
. Most states,
but not all, have donor registries.
Designate your decision on your driver’s
license.
Do this when you obtain or renew
your license.
  • Sign a donor card now. Carry the
    donor card with you until you can designate your donation
    decision on your driver’s license or join a
    donor registry.


  • Talk to your family now about your donation
    decision.
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    9/11 Tribute

    This is an awesome image from many images. I had not seen this one before and stumbled upon it today.
    clipped from bp0.blogger.com
    [02027r.jpg]
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    Done Praying

    I be dancing now!!!! This is a great shot.
    clipped from www.flickr.com

    Mantis

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    Photo of the Day

    Guess she told him!
    clipped from www.flickr.com
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