Thursday, July 31, 2008

Things to Share - July 31st, 2008

Odd News

Stinky gambler fuming over NJ casino ejection (AP) - Yes, Michael Wax stank. He's the first to admit it. The 440-pound New York City man said he was playing poker in an Atlantic City casino for 17 hours Tuesday and didn't have time to clean...
Police say men crashed truck twice on same street (AP) - Police say two drunken friends crashed their pickup truck into a parked car in New York City's northern suburbs and then drove down the street and crashed it again. Peekskill Detective Sgt. E...
Boy, 10, turns mom in for making phony money (AP) - A Bakersfield woman faces charges that she counterfeited money and identification cards after her 10-year-old son turned her in to authorities.
Officer foils Cadillac driver's free gas plan (AP) - The third time was an alarm for a Cadillac driver apparently loading up on free gas while posing as a stranded motorist. A police officer became suspicious the third time he saw the same man stop...

Useless Knowledge

A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through. The whiskers act as feelers or antennae, helping the animal to judge the precise width of any passage. And, because they aren’t hampered by collarbones, cats can squeeze through any opening big enough to push their head through.

Quotes of the Day

Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations. - Orson Welles

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. - WH Auden

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. - Vic Gold

Extraordinary Information of the Day

The typical housefly cruses at 8 km/hr.

New Links

Telectroscope Connects New York-London
Funny Transportation Pictures
Parents Day - Quotes
Are the diagonals parallel?

Point to Ponder

If you're an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?

You Might be a Redneck if...

...you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

Jokes of the Day

Twist Again

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.
'That''s cool.' says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!'
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'


Poof

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

Senate Slander

A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.

After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

Hope everyone has a great week-end. I'm leaving Port Aransas Friday afternoon and heading to Temple, Texas, to visit with my youngest daughter and my youngest grand kids as well. We're gonna have a Birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas party all rolled into one.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

1 comment:

Kitty said...

"If you're an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?"

Nope. Belief or disbelief is not a proofable thing and can not be punished with any legal reasons. But you get asked if you want to swear on the bible or not, whatever you choose, you are connected to that and if you lie, you did perjury indeed.

In medieaval times though, if someone refused to swear (on god) he would by able to say byebye to his tongue or his right arm. ;)