Sharing in a Marriage

The “Sharing” in a MARRIAGE....

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one
half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people
around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is
one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were
just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping
the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal
for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to
sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the
napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to
eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered......

(Continue BELOW..... This is great)

















'THE TEETH…..'

Why There Are No More Stick figures

Why Christmas Trees are Better Than Women/Men

WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
- When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn’t look like a cheap hooker.
- A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
- A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won’t say, “Hey, look at the size of that one … I didn’t know they made ‘em that big!”
- Christmas trees actually like when you use exotic electrical devices.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have a plastic one in the closet.
- It always smells fresh as a forest.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day or go to a strip club after work.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get possessive if you want to let your neighbor use your balls.
- You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it.
- When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

WHY CHRISTMAS TREES ARE BETTER THAN MEN
- A Christmas tree is always erect.
- Even small ones give satisfaction.
- A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
- A Christmas tree always looks good - even when it’s lit.
- A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
- A Christmas tree has cute balls.
- You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.
- You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
- You only have to feed/water it once a week.
- It’s always there to light up your life.
- It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.
- It always smells nice and doesn’t pass gas.
- If it needles you, you can toss it out.
- It doesn’t ask you to have little Christmas trees.

Talking Dog For Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the back
yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So,
what's your story? "The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I
could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I
told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog
would be eaves- dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight
years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down .I signed up for a job at the airport to
do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in." I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the
dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on
earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

Funny Bear Attack

Now I don't care who you are, this is Funny!

Condom Slogans

1) Cover your stump before you hump 2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie 4) When in doubt shroud you spout 5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong 7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize 11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12) If you go into heat, package your meat 13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis 14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse 15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member 16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker 17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool 18) The right selection, is to protect your erection 19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil 20) A crank with armor, will never harm her 21) If you really love her, wear a cover 22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake 23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener 24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket 25) No glove, no love 26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye 27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver 28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax 29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt 30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown 31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam 32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed 33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink 34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground 35) Cloak the joker before you poke her 36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch 37) Cape your throbber before you bob her 38) After detection sheath your erection 39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate 40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser 41) Cover that lumber before you pump her 42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle 43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle 44) House your noodle then release your strudel 45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound 46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey 47) Cage that snake then shake and bake 48) Cover your peter it will be much neater 49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore 50) It's always funky to cage your monkey 51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy 52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb 53) It's not much money to catch your honey 54) Don't be a fool cover your tool 55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch 56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche 57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool 58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive 59) Contain that sputum before you use him 60) Restrain your log then plow her bog 61) Glove your pecker before you check her 62) Coat that slimmer before you prime her 63) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize) 64) Cover old pete then grind her meat 65) Guard your peter before you meet her 66) Check your list before you tryst 67) Wrap your bate before you mate 68) Can your worm before you squirm 69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe 70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard 71) Bag the mole then do her hole 72) Cuff your carrot before you share it 73) Jail your number then call the plumber 74) Cover your vein then drive her insane 75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle 76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink 77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern 78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry 79) Wrap that spout then bore her out 80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain 81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge 82) Shroud your trout then make her shout 83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky 84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers 85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout 86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel 87) Cover your steamer before you ream her 88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish 89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass 90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret 91) Clothe the boner before you hone her 92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection! 93) Cork your pump or you don't hump 94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs 95) Dress that erection to make a deflection 96) Contain that shanker before you spank her 97) Cap that seeder before you breed her 98) Stop the stream before you cream 99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder 100) Protect your screw to catch that glue 101) Package your meat for a real neat treat 102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun 103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her 104) Garage the tractor then attack her 105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her 106) Sock that wanger before you bang her 107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser 108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good 109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke 110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate 111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate 112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates 113) Catch that goat before it bloats 114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen 115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her

116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk 117) Wrap that rod then please her bod 118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife 119) House that bottle then mash her throttle 120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash 121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle 122) Can your knob then throb her swab 123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug 124) Cover your limb before you swim 125) Retain your bailer then impail her 126) Rope your dope then make some soap 127) Net your salamander then make salad in her 128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper 129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds 130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft 131) Cover your stone before you bone 132) House your hose then curl her toes 133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass 134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch 135) Shield your rocks then pond her box 136) Cover old sly then do her dry 137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail 138) Glove your chimney before you come in me 139) If your nude tube your dude 140) Cloak your hitter then go split her 141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her 142) Can your spam then bam that mam 143) Corral your ram then slice her ham 144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver 145) Twist your wick then stick that prick 146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart 147) Shed old spot then do her slot 148) Drawer your pip then split her lips 149) Contain that leach then mash her peach 150) Bag your elm then take the helm 151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem 152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these 153) Constrain that agate you ain't no faggot 154) Survey your land then plant her stand 155) Before you drive her protect that diver 156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt 157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her 158) Cover you post then slice her roast 159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey 160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon 161) Contain that viper before you pipe her 162) Wrap your whopper, then go bop her 163) Protect your cock with the sock. 164) Slip it on before you slip it in. 165) Don't leave it to God, cover your rod. 164) Do a good deed, don't spill your seed. 165) Tub that sub then rub her hub 166) Wrap Mr. Clean then introduce her spleen 167) Dam your giver then fill her quiver 167) Wrap your wang before you bang 168) instead of your dick use a stick 169) instead of a sticky make a quickie 170) jack that slacker then you can whack her 171) Wrap it before you tap it 172) Wrap your meat before you beat 173) Don't excrete, wrap your meat 174) If you take her to bed, protect your head 175) Pack it in plastic, it'll be fantastic 176) if you'r not Shaq O'neal you might as well wrap your real 177) You Cover before you shove her 178) Protect your meat before you cram it in her seat 179) Suit up your eel, before you make a deal 180) Cover your fluid-ray or you'll have to pay 181) Don't be a fool, wrap your tool 182) if you think shes spunky, cover your monkey! 183) Wrap it before you slap it 184) Conceal your mushroom shape before you part her beef drapes 185) Don't be uncertain protect yourself before entering her meat curtain 186) Cover your rock-o before sour creaming her taco 187) use a shield before you sew her field 188) Put on your hat before you give her a splat 189) cover your snitch before you ram the bitch 190) hide old nick, before you jab her ribs 191) Flag your pole 192) Before a late night wrap it up tight 193) don't have sex without latex 194) Cover Billy then make her silly 195) wear a helmet to go to war 196) wrap the cock let it drop 197) cover your meat and make some heat 198) wrap your stump before you hump 199) Cover your shooter, then shoot in her pooter 200) Garnish your beef, then dive her reef 201) Shield your funnel and engage her tunnel 202) Cover your mound, and prepare to pound 203) Sheath your blade, then give her the spade 204) Wrap your shaft before you break her in half 205) Roll your oat, then paddle her boat 206) Cover your yam then pound her ham 207) Armour the tank before you enter the flank 208) sWrap the goat before swimming in her moat 209) Leash your pet before launching your jet 210) Baton down the hatch before feeding her snatch 211) Chain the beast before presenting the feast 212) Before you tap it, wrap it 213) Cap your tinkle before you visit the fish wrinkle 214) Save her cunt, from shit loads of spunk! 215) Wrap your dill before you spill 216) Dont be a Fool, wrap your tool 217) Wrap that gator, no regrets later 218) Wrap your meat and get her in the sheets! 219) Don't forget the diaper when you're laying piper 220) when you nail her accsessorize your sailor 221) Put on a rubber before you sub her 222) Don't trust Jesus cover your penis 223) Dress him up before you mess her up 224) Holster your Pistol before you whip her 225) before you bang cover your wang 226) No matter what kind of meat you put in your sandwich you still have to wrap up your hoggie 227) Put a cover on yer hammer then ram her and ram her 228) Clothe the boner before you own her 229) Before you make a disaster put the saftey on your blaster 230) protect ur pole before u battle with the hole 231) No shirt, no flirt! 232) Wrap it before you tap it

Things to Share

It's been awhile since I've shared.  So here's some sharing tossed at ya....

Quotes of the Day

Exercise relieves stress. Nothing relieves exercise.
  - Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
  - John Kenneth Galbraith

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
  - Emo Phillips

Useless Knowledge

Sharks and rays are the only animals known to man that cannot succumb to cancer. Scientists believe this is related to the fact that they have no bone—only cartilage. They also don’t smoke.

The lavish coronation of Queen Elizabeth II was the first major international TV broadcast.

Termite queens are fertilized regularly by the same mate for life, unlike bee and ant queens, whose male partners die after the first and only mating. They live up to 50 years.

Termite queens are fertilized regularly by the same mate for life, unlike bee and ant queens, whose male partners die after the first and only mating. They live up to 50 years.

Thoughts to Ponder

If white wine goes with fish do white grapes go with sushi?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?

Why are most homes white?

News of the Weird

Sheep invade London Bridge

Sinners offered online confession box

Artwork just for the near-dead

Jokes

Vow of Celebracy

The Aging Explorer

Porsche and Hedgehog

Today's Reason to Drink

September 21, 2008

Call a cease fire and have a drink with your enemies on International Day of Peace.

How To's

Calculate the Surface Area of a Prism

How to Change a Lock Cylinder

Freebee

Life & Times in Port "A"

Everything is slowly coming back together, everyone is coming back from their hurrication. Most of them look pretty hurricated. O.K. enough about hurricanation. Does that mean if your their during a hurricane that you are hurricanating? Damn I'm acting hurricanatingly awful. (I love being punny and making up new words)

Things to Share - 08/25/08

Quotes of the Day

It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.
  - Peter Ustinov

I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
  - Orson Welles

If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it.
  - Arthur Schopenhauer

Useless Knowledge

Fashionable ladies of the sixteenth century thought it elegant to allow their pubic hair to grow as lengthy as possible. This way, it could be braided, pomaded, and embellished with bows and ribbons.

Extraordinary Info

The origin of the word "volcano" is derives from Vulcan, the Roman god of fire.

New Links

How Niagara Falls Originated

Quotes for Sisters & Brothers

Can you find the faces?

Something to Ponder

Why does unscented hairspray smell?   

What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?

Top Stories

Watching the convention is like seeing a bad divorce

Baltimore Sun - all 1570 related »

The drinking age

Kingston Daily Freeman - all 1744 related »

Kyrgyz plane crash kills 65

Reuters - all 1299 related »

Pakistan party mulls leaving coalition

AFP - all 3657 related »

Russian lawmakers meet on rebel Georgian regions

Reuters - all 395 related »

Jokes

Old Ladies' Noggins

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Texas Sphincters

On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."

And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."

Choking

One day at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son is choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's balls and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

"No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS."

Stuff from HowStuffWorks.Com

How Bartering Works

Imagine a world without cash or credit cards. You'd barter to get what you need and want. Today, people and businesses are still trading goods and services. But can these cash-free transactions be taxed?

Can we replant the planet's rainforests?

Saving the rainforest used to be about protesting the number of trees that were cut down. But some researchers propose that reforestation could combat habitat loss and animal extinction. Can we really bring a decimated rainforest back to life?

You Might Be a Redneck

You might be a REDNECK if...

...you've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

Lyrics

Angel Flying to Close to the Ground - Willie Nelson

If you had not have fallen
then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
I patched up your broken wing and hung around for a while
trying to keep your spirits up and your fever down
So leave me if you need to, I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground.
I knew someday that you would fly away
for love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to, I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on fly on past, the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up than see you down
So leave me if you need to, I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground.

Until Next Time, Remember: No matter where you go, there you are.

Things to Share 07/24/08

Thing to Ponder

How does one actually zip their lip?

You might be a REDNECK if...

...you have buried a dog and cried like a baby.

Jokes of the Day

Pa Won't Like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

The Living Satues

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.

After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"

Today's Reason to Drink

Celebrate Simón Bolívar Day! You know, the famous South American revolutionary after which Bolivia takes its name.

Facts of the Day

Horses can eat 24 hours without stopping

While our eyes are the same size from the day we are born, our ears and nose keeps growing.

Quotes

Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.
- Senator Dianne Feinstein

What happens when the future has come and gone?
- Robert Half

Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four.
- Katharine Hepburn

Useless Trivia

Coyotes are extremely loyal to their mates. If one is caught in a trap, the other will bring small game for it to eat; it will soak itself in a river to allow its thirsty mate to chew on its damp fur for water. It has been documented that the free coyote will stay with its captive partner until death.

Just Plain Weird

SWEDEN: Swedish airport staff were not amused when a team from a TV comedy show tried to check in a suitcase with a dwarf inside.

A judge has chastised parents for calling their child 'Sex Fruit' and 'Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii'.

Places are still unfilled on the UK's first degree course in Funeral Services - an essay on burial rituals anyone?

You Might Be.....

You might be a REDNECK if…

…you can burp and say your name at the same time.

…the people on Jerry Springer’s show remind you of your neighbors.

…you think Possum is The ‘Other White Meat’.

…you carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

…you met your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens’ room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

…you think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

…your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

…you think safe sex is a padded headboard.

…you and your dog use the same tree.

…you believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

If you answered yes to any of the above, you might be a redneck…

Oh, I See What You Did There

Awesome, Mr. Bean at his finest.

from phunni.com

Three Little Pigs

as told by Christopher Walken

from onemansblog.com

Painted Buses Video

Pretty Cool...

from www.metacafe.com

End of Ze World

Found this on One Mans Blog

from onemansblog.com

When you want to feel better read this.....

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World Cup Digs

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